Family Ties and Love Knots

It's sad to say this out loud, but my very dear uncle Julio Rodriguez passed away on April 16th due to a rare terminal brain disease. This being said, I've gone through a lot in the past few weeks and have done A LOT of thinking. It became so clear how important family can be and how true the "blood is thicker than water" saying is. I went down to Florida for the viewing, wake, and burial. This is when reality set it. I never imagined having to hug and hold so many of my family members. Showing them I was there for them and loved them no matter what. I wanted to do whatever I could to make everyone's pain go away. It was amazing to see my cousins and I reunite the way we did, as if it hadn't been a long time since we last saw each other. To comfort one another and say "I love you" over and over. I am usually not affected by sad situations and it is usually thrown in my face. Someone will say "How can you not be crying? You're such a bitch", but someone has to be the sane/strong one while everyone breaks down. I shed a few tears during my time in Florida. Seeing my uncle in his shell in the casket, then watching the pain of my Aunt and Cousin. It hurt inside to know that one day I would have to feel that way should my mother or lover pass away.

My trip to Florida lead to deep deep thinking. How do you throw away true love, when you know you'll never find anything like it again? I decided to be strong and forgive (but not forget), because I want the type of love my Aunt and Uncle had for 25yrs... and I know I already found it. I want nothing more than to be happy... and true love makes me happy. I found that special only-in-the movies type of connection and I'll be damned if challenges and struggles will take that away from me. In my life, when it rains it pours, but when the clouds clear out it is painfully beautiful. It just takes time for the clouds to clear. I'm willing to be patient and put forth the effort.

Basically, I've decided to give love a chance. I've learned that family will ALWAYS be there, I will always be there for them, they come first, and they are the most special part of your life. I have decided to keep better contact with my family. Particularly my cousins. I would hate to grow apart from such wonderful and strong people.

Hugs and Punks (and love!) to all,

Sin Dee